are you in an abusive relationship?
Not many know the story behind the girl who gives a hug to every stranger she meets, a smile to her friends, a laughter out of no where. While life seems beautiful on the outside, it is not for some people. I would like to share my story of how I lost myself and how I am finally happy being who I am today.
I don't blame him for what happened, maybe it was out of frustration, maybe it was a lot harbouring of feelings resulting in him, unknowingly hurting me in this relationship. We were both young, maybe too young and inexperienced. It star ted harmless enough, then gradually it became worse. I didn't even know what was going on, I didn't know I was being emotionally and verbally abused everyday, I thought I was just getting nagged because he has OCD (obsessive compulsive behaviour). I gave reasons, maybe work stress, maybe it was his traumatising childhood, maybe he wasn't the caring or loving type, and yes maybe I wasn't good enough.
My self-esteem, confidence, dropped to an all time low. I became depressed, lost and afraid. My partner was constantly chipping away my feelings of self-worth and independence, while at the same time putting me down for being a useless woman, name calling me everyday, blaming and shaming me. It became worst when he emotionally isolated and distanced himself from me, neglecting me most of the time and with no reason at all and would be nice to me the next. The most hurtful was of him spreading rumours, intimidating and humiliating me in front of his friends. I bit my lip an d swallo wed it all in because I loved him so much. I believe it took dedication, hard work and patience to keep up a relationship so I compromised myself to pleased him. I thought he was the one and that I would be lost without him, I hung onto the good memories while believing some day he would change. I worked hard to make him happy, got him presents, brought him on holidays, be on his beck and call. I learn to cook, clean and be the woman he wanted but he still wasn't happy. If this was a movie, I would name it "Sleeping with the Enemy".
My story
I don't blame him for what happened, maybe it was out of frustration, maybe it was a lot harbouring of feelings resulting in him, unknowingly hurting me in this relationship. We were both young, maybe too young and inexperienced. It star ted harmless enough, then gradually it became worse. I didn't even know what was going on, I didn't know I was being emotionally and verbally abused everyday, I thought I was just getting nagged because he has OCD (obsessive compulsive behaviour). I gave reasons, maybe work stress, maybe it was his traumatising childhood, maybe he wasn't the caring or loving type, and yes maybe I wasn't good enough.
My self-esteem, confidence, dropped to an all time low. I became depressed, lost and afraid. My partner was constantly chipping away my feelings of self-worth and independence, while at the same time putting me down for being a useless woman, name calling me everyday, blaming and shaming me. It became worst when he emotionally isolated and distanced himself from me, neglecting me most of the time and with no reason at all and would be nice to me the next. The most hurtful was of him spreading rumours, intimidating and humiliating me in front of his friends. I bit my lip an d swallo wed it all in because I loved him so much. I believe it took dedication, hard work and patience to keep up a relationship so I compromised myself to pleased him. I thought he was the one and that I would be lost without him, I hung onto the good memories while believing some day he would change. I worked hard to make him happy, got him presents, brought him on holidays, be on his beck and call. I learn to cook, clean and be the woman he wanted but he still wasn't happy. If this was a movie, I would name it "Sleeping with the Enemy".
You're not alone
One time when I voiced out my unhappiness, he got angry and pushed me so hard I fell onto the bed shocked and afraid. For 10 years, I suffered silently but couldn't break free. I kept this away from my family and friends. My close friends could see what's going on, and they constantly advised me to break up with him. But because he was my first love and we have been together for so long and finally getting married, I ignored all the warning signs and let myself rot away. I put on weight, I started channeling my stress towards something else, I also kept myself busy so I forget the girl who is crying for help inside.
When I found out he had an affair overseas with a China woman, I finally woke up and realise I couldn't live with this man anymore. I learnt a great deal from this experience, and while I loved him once, I do not anymore. Did I regret? Yes I regretted leaving Australia. I regretted the youth I lost. I regretted giving myself to him because he insisted and persisted. While I regretted a lo t of thi ngs, I don't regret what happened because I live to share my story and survived a 13 years relationship. I am free now, happier and stronger.
Second chance at life
Seek help
I may come to share my story in-depth but for now I'll keep it short and sweet because it's International Women's Day today and I want every women to know, you have rights and if you're abused in any way, be it physically, emotionally or facing domestic violence please seek help from Women's Aid Organisation Malaysia (WAO). No one should go through this alone, and if you haven't realise it yet that you are being abuse, read the following from Love Is Respect.
What is Emotional/Verbal Abuse?There are many behaviors that qualify as emotional or verbal abuse:Emotional abuse includes non-physical behaviors such as threats, insults, constan t monitoring or “checking in,†excessive texting, humiliation, intimidation, isolation or stalking.
- Calling you names and putting you down.
- Yelling and screaming at you.
- Intentionally embarrassing you in public.
- Preventing you from seeing or talking with friends and family.
- Telling you what to do and wear.
- Emotional isolation, neglect, humiliation
- Using online communities or cell phones to control, intimidate or humiliate you.
- Blaming your actions for their abusive or unhealthy behavior.
- Stalking you.
- Threatening to commit suicide to keep you from breaking up with them.
- Threatening to harm you, your pet or people you care about.
- Making you feel guilty or immature when you don’t consent to sexual activity.
- Threatening to expose your secrets such as your sexual orientation or immig ration s tatus.
- Starting rumors about you.
- Threatening to have your children taken away.
Is Emotional Abuse Really Abuse?
A relationship can be unhealthy or abusive even without physical violence. Verbal abuse may not cause physical damage, but it does cause emotional pain and scarring. It can also lead to physical violence if the relationship continues on the unhealthy path its on.
Sometimes verbal abuse is so bad that you actually start believing what your partner says. You begin to think you’re stupid, ugly or fat. You agree that nobody else would ever want to be in a relationship with you. Constantly being criticized and told you aren’t good enough causes you to lose confidence and lowers your self esteem. As a result, you may start to blame yourself for your partner’s abusive behavior.
- Repost by dzzfashion.blogspot.com -
Source::http://www.plusizekitten.com/2015/03/my-story-of-abuse.html
Remember -- emotional abuse is never your fault. In fact, your partner may just be trying to control or manipulate you into staying in the relationship. Talk to someone you trust, like a parent, friend or teacher, about the situation and make a safety plan. You can also chat with a peer advocate for more help when dealing with verbal abuse.
If you think you're in an abusive relationship read the following:
Signs of Emotional Abuse
Domestic Violence & Abuse
Seek help from http://www.wao.org.my.
If you think you're in an abusive relationship read the following:
Signs of Emotional Abuse
Domestic Violence & Abuse
Seek help from http://www.wao.org.my.
I would like to thank my friends Cai Xiu Xiu & Kiersten Chaik for making me realise I should not be subjected to a life without love and worth. It took a long time, I know, for me to finally see. Thank you for being there with me, your patience and friend ship mea ns a lot to me.
Source::http://www.plusizekitten.com/2015/03/my-story-of-abuse.html
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