expressions of the self part 2
Since young, I learnt never to expect anything from anyone and have empathy in life. It is with empathy that I can see through the darkest of all souls and a glimmer of light in each one. It is without holding on to expectations that I cannot be disappointed. I thank myself for having this two strengths in me because it has shape who I am today. Emotions are strength, food for the soul.
A broken family at 10, days I eat only a simple meal, raised by a single mom, molested by my own relative, witness my stepfat her abuse my mom, had an ex fiance who degraded me everyday for 13 years, and whom I gave up my education and future in Australia, for the one man that did not love me in the end.
You would think I am stronger because of the pain of growing up. I wasn't but slowly, I did. What hurts the most was being called stupid fat pig by the one person whom you gave your heart to. What started as a teasingly funny nickname soon turned into a daily greeting accompanied with eyes that haunt you for years. I forgive him believing one day, he would call me baby again. He was going through depression from working, lost his job and wasn't working for nearly a year. While I was living and caring for him, we were strangers in th e same h ome. He would ignore me, go out whenever he wants to. I should give him some space I said to myself. After all we are going to have a whole lifetime being married together. I didn't rush the wedding plans; the timing wasn't right with all that is happening.
As I looked into the mirror at the end of my relationship with my first love, I was shocked at how I did become stupid fat pig in the end. My self-image, was shaved till I could no longer recognise myself.
I said to myself, no more. Finally letting go of this man, who fell in love with a China girl on a business trip. I gave them my blessing for the better of us both. I did not make it hard for him. I left peacefully when I was asked to get the f*** out, cried my heart out at the home I helped built together, leaving empty handed. I remember hiding in the wardrobe, warm tea rs on my cheeks, clenching my fists over my heart. Praying to God to take the pain away. When I confronted him about the cheating affair with evidence, he denied it and said it was "none of my business". With those very words I finally was set free from the demons I grew myself.
it's not weak, to be weak
Empathy is a powerful reason for living. Things happened and some things happens for a reason, even before you know it. God has everything planned for everyone, and it takes a good deal of life, to get there. I am not who I am today, if it wasn't for all the experiences I went through. My life can't be unfold in a mere few sentences but it is the reason why I continue to feel for people. My passion to help and care fo r my friends, even strangers can be my weakness. I trust without trusting, I give without expecting anything back. While many don't believe there are people who genuinely want to make a better world out there, in paying it forward, in the greater good of people, there are people born out of life circumstances that do not see the world by merely materialistic wealth.
it was piggy, fat pig then stupid fat pig
As I looked into the mirror at the end of my relationship with my first love, I was shocked at how I did become stupid fat pig in the end. My self-image, was shaved till I could no longer recognise myself.
even the strong cries
I said to myself, no more. Finally letting go of this man, who fell in love with a China girl on a business trip. I gave them my blessing for the better of us both. I did not make it hard for him. I left peacefully when I was asked to get the f*** out, cried my heart out at the home I helped built together, leaving empty handed. I remember hiding in the wardrobe, warm tea rs on my cheeks, clenching my fists over my heart. Praying to God to take the pain away. When I confronted him about the cheating affair with evidence, he denied it and said it was "none of my business". With those very words I finally was set free from the demons I grew myself.
it's not weak, to be weak
Empathy is a powerful reason for living. Things happened and some things happens for a reason, even before you know it. God has everything planned for everyone, and it takes a good deal of life, to get there. I am not who I am today, if it wasn't for all the experiences I went through. My life can't be unfold in a mere few sentences but it is the reason why I continue to feel for people. My passion to help and care fo r my friends, even strangers can be my weakness. I trust without trusting, I give without expecting anything back. While many don't believe there are people who genuinely want to make a better world out there, in paying it forward, in the greater good of people, there are people born out of life circumstances that do not see the world by merely materialistic wealth.
Are you in a emotionally abusive relationship? Know how to spot the differences between being hurt and being love by reading my first expression here - behind the smile
Some things, are priceless like friendships, kindness, compassion and understanding. I am grateful for all the support and friendship from everyone till now. For my friends who feel it's hard to keep going, uncertain of what the future holds for you, being hurt secretly behind closed doors. Don't give up and don't let anyone take you, aw ay from you. Dedicating this song Weak by Daphne Koo to you.
Weak by Daphne Koo
It's hard to smile
at my reflection,
when I wake up, I wonder why
all I see, are the imperfections.
All the proof that i'm not alright.
Oh and I confess
that none of this makes sense,
A new struggle everyday, ohhh
But I know sometimes,
we gotta be lost to find,
to find our way
don't be afraid
Even the strong cry,
when no one's looking
we try not to scared on the outside,
but I know that there's strength from the fall,
it's not weak, to be weak at al l.
behind these eyes,
a world is hiding
where I feel safe, but so alone
all my scars, they keep me fighting
for a place I can call my own
Oh and I confess
that none of this makes sense,
A new struggle everyday, ohhh
But I know sometimes,
we gotta be lost to find,
to find our way
don't be afraid
Even the strong cry,
when no one's looking
we try not to scared on the outside,
but I know that there's strength from the fall,
it's not weak, to be weak at all.
From::http://www.plusizekitten.com/2015/09/my-name-was-stupid-fat-pig.html
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